If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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