If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
