My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
