I must be too annoying 4 u.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
