i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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