There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
