he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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