there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Are we still banned from the library?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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