Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
