he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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