if only i could text you this smell
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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