3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
