so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
