I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
