i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
