She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
