I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
