Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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