He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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