I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
