I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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