Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
