woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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