I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
