Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
