Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
