Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
