We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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