So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
