More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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