when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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