You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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