and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
