They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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