Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
