Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
