In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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