need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
