I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
