yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
