Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
