We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
