can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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