Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
