The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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