dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
