I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
