I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
