OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
