drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
