i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I smell like Dick and happiness
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
